Hot New Artist Alert: LANA DEL REY!

Here for the crown: Lana Del Rey

 
What do you get when you mix a generous helping of indipop soul, with a gorgeous, moody and very hungry specimen with legs that go on forever and a day? Well…you get model/singer/glamazon Lana Del Rey, that’s what! Believe me when I tell you that this bright, new star is nothing to play with! I put my granmomma and ‘em’s life on it (Sorry gran! You know I love you right? Lol)

With a bang ‘on-trend’ retro style, a delivery that’s as sadcore as the blues will allow, an attitude that's unashamedly ballsy (she calls herself a 'gangsta' Nancy Sinatra) and a voice as bewitching and captivating as they come, why shouldn’t Lana be Sexysomething’s new girl crush? I've been on this girl's trail for a couple of months now and am glad that people have stopped taking Zzz's on this New Yorker :)



Hi. I'm a real 'G'. You?



Hop on over to YouTube and take a listen for yourself if you think I’m trying to sell you lofty pipe dreams. See if you are not affected by her power. (Well, and the fact that she’d give your man more than an ‘amber alert’ in his pants hehehe) Lana's brand new album is called 'Born to Die' and has spawned hits such as 'Video Games' and the title track 'Born to Die'.

Sometimes sounding jaded, she bewilders the senses by managing to be overwhelming and refreshing...ALL at the same time. Whose child is this?



'Amber alert' in your man's pants!



 This girl joins that boy The Wknd as one of my ‘Hot New Artist’s To Watch In 2012’!

She is, without a shadow of a doubt, on ‘the come-up’!!

I loooove you Lana!!!

- By Ngeti Dlamini aka SereNgeti

Images: Blackvinylmag, Fashandme

FOCUS: Grammy Red Carpet Fashion




Black and Yellow : Amber and Wiz

 Some stepped out looking like they waylayed, then subsequently jacked Lil' Red Riding Hood *Side eyes Nicki Minaj*. Another bunch seared our cornea's with really bold choices (see above). Others...well, they plain ol' forgot their pants at home! Tsk, tsk! We round up the stars' 2012 Grammy red carpet looks!

We kick it off with Amber Rose and her boo, Wiz Khalifa (up top). Even though I want to scrub Wiz's chest with Omo and a scrubbing brush  (those tats-sigh), the 'look' was dope. His girl Amber went for a bright...No. Let's make that a REALLY bright yellow dress! Even though my eyes were shocked into action, she looked good. Grown and sexy for a change. Very becoming! We like it Amber :)



My Humps: Fergie

 Fergilicious and her lovely lady lumps stepped out in undies and an orange lace curtain. The cut of the dress is gorgeous but hhayi, I don't understand. It probably was really hot in LA on Sunday *shrugs*



Kelly Rowland

 Kelly Rowland looked stunning!! Love, love, love her!! Soo pretty :) Go on 'head girl!



Rihanna

  Rihanna's look was on point. Basic black, no frills, just a mile of leg and a looooong 'dive' of cleavagery *Tee hee* I'm so silly :) PS - I love her hair! It looks like Ri and Alicia Keys have the same taste in footwear. Both rocked up in the same shoes!

Is it me or does Swizz Beats look like he is trying hard to stop himself from screaming "It's showtiiiime"? Lol! I keeeeed!! Swizzy and Alicia Keys walked the red carpet looking like Hip Hop royalty. I LOVE accessories, so you are kindly advised that my heart is attached to that neckpiece Egypt's mom has on!!!




'The Pope' and Nicki Minaj

 Your girl Nicki Minaj commited sacrilege in the name of fashion on Grammy night. *SMH* Damn you Gaga and your egg thingamabobin!!



David Guetta and his baybay


All I'm looking at are Mrs. Guetta's pants.....Why Mrs. G? Whyyyyyyy??!!!



Annie V and Adam Levine

 Annie V almost showed us her V *Hides* She forgot her pants at home....again! Annie!




J.Cole and his date


 Jay Z's protege J. Cole took the red carpet walk with...his mommy!! Ncaaw! Sweet!



*Cough*

 Robyn was there...

*Cough, Cough*

So was this lady....*SMH*





Carrie Underwood


Carrie Underwood looked sensational in white!




Paris Hilton


So did Paris Hilton!! Looking good 'P'

Taraji Henson....




Toast to the winners!!


C Breezy being congratulated by Stevie Wonder! Congrats Chris! We love yeeewwww!!! Now take your top off!! Lol!

My baby!!

My future baby father, Drake looked hella fine in that tux!! Whooooo!! *Fans Self* I love you Aubrey! Lol!

All in all, it definitely was a great night out for the stars!! Everyone (except Cough...and Cough, Cough -Lmao) looked incredible!!!

- By Ngeti Dlamini aka SereNgetty

x0x0

Images: Getty, Rap Up, Yahoo

RIP WHITNEY: One Of The Greatest Voices Of Our Time Silenced Forever!





RIP Whitney 'The Voice' Houston

  

“Sometimes you’ll laugh. And sometimes you’ll cry. Life never tells us the when’s or why’s. But when you’ve got friends to wish you well, you’ll find your point when you will exhale”.

Powerful words from one of my favourite Whitney Houston songs, ‘Exhale (Shoop)’, written by the super talented Babyface, for the ‘Waiting to Exhale’ soundtrack.

I join millions of music-lovers across the globe, to mourn the tragic and utterly shocking passing of one of the greatest songstresses of our time, Whitney Houston. If you – like me, are a funky 80s baby, there will be absolutely no doubt in your mind that Miss Houston was HBIC (Head Biatch In Charge) at the time, running circles around other female vocalists, without so much as breaking a sweat on the microphone! With THAT voice, it is more than understandable.

Bobby was my drug

Whitney was what I like to call #BadBad!! Believe me, Paula Abdul and them know EXACTLY what it feels like to be served up a delicious plate of Whitney dust on the charts (sorry Paula! I Love you Lol!) At a time when there was a clear line of demarcation lodged firmly between popular black music and other genre’s at the time, Whitney successfully bridged that gap and…in dramatic fashion! I really do not want to talk about her time with ex husband Bobby Brown. We all know how that turned out! “Bobby was my drug. I wasn’t getting high by myself”, she infamously said in an interview.

Whitney dressed in traditional Swazi attire

I choose to remember Whitney Houston for that incredible voice, silenced too soon and not the demons she battled in the last years of her life. God speed Whitney!! Thank you for touching our souls and for your unparalleled contribution to the arts!

Take a look at Whitney at her AMAZING best!!  LIVE at the SuperBowl in 1991!! *Goosebumps*

Whitney Houston's Star Spangled Banner rendition!

We love you Whitney!!!! RIP!!

-By Ngeti Dlamini aka SereNgetty
x0x0

Where To Be Spotted In 2012!

Chillin'

This is one ‘hot list’ like no other. If you’re not spotted at any of these hotspots, then you’re a ‘no-puppy hugging, cat kicker!’

Church – Not to warm the wooden benches, or to check out honeyz that ride for Jesus, but to actually listen attentively to the guy sweating in the front. 

Kanye West’s dustbin – One of my goals for 2012 is to get arrested in Yeezy’s trash can. I want a peek into the lifestyle of a genius. If that’s not commitment to my love for Kanye, I don’t know what is! Even if I come out with a half-eaten chicken bone, or fight stray cats in that trash can, I will forever be grateful! The dive would have been worth it! I don’t play that! I will cut a stray cat up!!!! #StraightHood



I'd fight stray cats: Yeezy



In your house – (16 year olds) In 2012, please sit down and have a cup of tea in your mother’s house. You can even water her plants, pet your dog, play with your dolls (as you should be) and put up pictures of her cousins and your granny on her wall and stuff.  I promise you, the next time I see shorts and firm, underage thighs at night; I WILL take off my belt in the club. Trust! #Thug Life

The Spa – This is where I totally (and many others) NEED to be seen! The crust accumulated in 2011 is overwhelming. I need all kinds of acid-laden treatments and a lot of spit ‘n shine from the nice ladies who touch stranger’s body parts for a living.

The bath tub - Have you noticed how dusty you let yourself get when you’re dealing with a break up? Lol! The last 4 months of 2011 were hectic for me. I had plenty of ‘I live under a bridge and sleep in a cardboard box’ moments. In 2012, let’s look like we get paid to pout in our underwear for Victoria’s Secret! It’s the only way!

Next to Blue Ivy’s jewel encrusted pram - Believe me, you need to be on baby Blue Ivy Carter’s pay-roll! She was winning as a foetus, swimming around in Beyonce and now she’s winning outside her momma’s womb! Do you have a single with your daddy out? Are you the youngest living being to ever chart on Billboard? Is Oprah your godmother? Do you already have a trunk full of books from said godmother? Is your uncle Kanye West? Are there rumours that at only three weeks old, you slapped Rihanna and told her to “put some damn clothes on?” Can you pull off the perfect booty-hop in your diapers? Yeah! I thought not! Pull yourself together and get in line. The Carter employment line! Lol!

Slapped by Blue Ivy: Rihanna

The Gym – Apparently, underwear manufacturers in China are running out of lycra and spandex. That – in effect – means the future of the spanx hangs in the balance...which means ‘the jiggle’ is set to make a very unwelcome return...which means we shall be bumping into more cellulite than ever before in town, the KFC queue and in church. Gym is our only saving grace sistas! Imagine how high our standing will be on the universal phlyness barometer once we start sweating it out at the gym? Apparently the health benefits are great too. *shrugs* I wouldn’t know though. PS - Oh, I heard there’s plenty of shiny muscle to be ogled at the gym!

The Usher Concert – I’ve seen Usher in concert before and believe me, you don’t want to miss ‘Mr. Sexy’ in his element. I’m still trying to recover from Ushermalitis, years later! I hope he strips to his underpants this time.*hides* Don’t miss the Hansa Legends concert. ONE NIGHT only! March 10^th, 2012, at the Orlando Stadium, The Jo’!



Yum yum: Usher



Your Child’s Game – It’s time to get out of ‘Dead Beat Daddy’ mode my hun! Honest to goodness, there are way too many children growing up without fathers. You need to be present in your child’s life. Physically and emotionally! The monthly cheques are not going to cut it. A real father shows his love by being present. No amount of money can ever replace that. It doesn’t matter whether you get along with the mother of your child or not. Go to your child’s soccer match, recital, School concert...whatever! Step up to the plate and do the right thing. For the sake of your child. Thanks!

 There you go! Happy 2012 hunnies!! :)

-By Ngeti Dlamini aka SereNgeti

xoxo
Images: Burnasone, Everyjoe

IN DEPTH: How to Keep Your Woman Happy

Mr and Mrs. Jones

It has been said that women are the most complicated creatures in the world. Yup! It’s true. With that said, let me save you the headaches and school you on how to keep her happy. It really isn’t hard to get along with your chick. I Promise!!

When your girl says she’s on a diet, believe her – The fact that you just witnessed her inhaling a whole chicken, two loaves of bread and five donuts at a go does not count, buddy. You saw her downing that diet coke didn’t you? She’s on a diet! Have a seat!!!

Never agree with your woman when she says she’s fat – Yes, you think she looks like a baby hippo, but my friend, if you know what’s good for you, keep that trap shut. When your woman comes at you with that “I look like a beached whale” junk, a brother that’s fast on the highway to Singleton Street on the corner of Splitsville and Main, will probably chuckle and nod furiously in agreement. Allow me to school you, young one.

Your Chick: “Baby, these jeans make me look like a baby elephant, don’t they?”

You: (Pull your most convincing ‘I’m outraged’ look and stare her dead in the eye. Make sure your eyes shine with fresh, sparkly tears. Clutch your chest and in a scandalised tone, say the following...)

 “FAT?!? Babe!? Is this woman on drugs Lord? Do you know how perfect you are my nunu!!? I can’t believe you’re asking me this right now!! (Walk away from her and kick something. Make sure whatever it is you decide to kick, flies clear across the room, then turn around and walk slowly towards her.)  “You... Are.... (Pause, swallow hard and let a lone tear roll down your left cheek. It has to be left. Say...) “...Mbali Confidence Zikalala (<<insert your woman’s full name here) You are the most perfect specimen I have ever laid my eyes on. Would you like a bacon and avo burger, boo bear? ” She’ll hear bacon and avo burger and she will forget everything.

Go to her family’s Christmas lunch – Yes. Her cousins always bring boyfriends that look like they will way-lay you in the passage and steal your wallet.  So what if her 63 year old aunt polishes off the punch before it even makes it to the table.  Yes, she proceeds to make you dance the ‘hlokoloza’ with her in a dark corner all night. So what? You love your woman afterall and these are just some of the sacrifices you need to make for your lady love.  I suggest you learn to love doing the hlokoloza with drunken aunts in dodgy corners, boy!

Agree with her when she calls every hot girl a skank – It doesn’t matter whether your girl knows the chick or not. If your lady says “That really tall, skinny girl at the bar. Yeah, the one with the perfect teeth? She’s a skank, shem. I can just see it in her eyes. Her aura is very slutty to me”, then that’s it! The tall, hot girl you would bone in a minute if given the chance, is a skank!

Go shopping with her – Guys are very touchy about the whole shopping thing and women know this. Show your lady how much you care by dumping your boys during the Chiefs VS Pirates Championship final.  This will convince her she made the right decision by allowing you to touch her on her studio and get in her pants. Jump up off the couch excitedly and exclaim “Why, hunny! I think we need new bathroom mats! Tshepo, the crew and the strippers they came with can drink those cases of beer all by themselves!” Grab your keys and drag her to the mall for an afternoon of fun! Walk around aimlessly if you can, coo at babies you meet along the way and stand at the ‘Zara’ shop window, crying tears over the banana yellow blazer on display.   

Hold her purse – Have you ever tried to get your man to hold your bag for two seconds, while you tie your shoe? Mnxm! If you haven’t, then you haven’t seen life. Your man will pause for a good 5 seconds, look around like he stole something and then fish that bag out of your hands with his pinkie. And that’s if you’re lucky.  I didn’t just type this purse analogy for fun. You know what to do boo boo! Be one with the bag!

Share the hottest Gossip – Set aside at least 15 minutes a day for a little ‘goss-fest’ with your boo. It could be you sharing a story about one of your boys making a housewife out of a h*e, or it could be about Kim Kardashian’s cellulite! Whatever floats your boat.  Just keep it juicy!

Cry and share feelings with her – There is nothing that will strengthen your bond like a good cry. That damn Scar really did Simba and his dad dirty in ‘The Lion King’ and she probably has also not gotten over it. Discuss it. Dissect it. Cry about it!  At least both of you will get to throw popcorn at the TV when Scar and his hyena pals come into focus. Damn you Scar!! DAMN YEeeeeewww!!!

See!!! Easy peasy!! Good Luck!

- By SereNgeti