FEATURE: How to Get Laid!

If the only action you get on a Friday night is watching your cat coughing up hairballs, PLEASE read the below. Yes...this IS an intervention!

MEN:

BATH – Smelling like you live in a sewerage tank is NOT the business. So is looking like ‘Swamp Thing’ or a KaMdodi Boy (KMB). Maybe that’s why Mr Sniffles (your cat) is the only thing that can stand you. Cut, trim, shave, shear, polish, buff, chop... Act like Nike and Just Do It! If your hair has locked into dreads because you can’t stand to touch a comb...Tsk tsk!! Also, marinating yourself in cologne will make you look like a loser. You’re not a lamb chop that’s about to be thrown on the grill. Last but not least, your breath can’t be smelling like you’re breeding a family of skunks in your mouth. Chicks will dig you if you start taking regular scrubs and brushes. Honest!

Swamp Thing #NotAGoodLook!

BE A GENTLEMAN – Manners are very important. Mind your P’s and Q’s, hug stray kittens, help old ladies cross the road, be nice to petrol attendants and waitresses (not the hot ones with bouncy, perky boobs)... and most importantly DON’T steal her purse. *Mumbling* If I had a dollar for every time a knee-grow stole my purse!!

READ – No! Paging through Hustler and Playboy doesn’t constitute reading. That doesn’t count. I’m talking books, homey! Don’t be like the guy who proudly announced the last book he read was ‘Mary Had a Little Lamb’. Huh? First of all...that’s a damn NURSERY RHYME and NOT a book!!! Good thing I packed my running shoes in my purse that day because the way I ran, Caster would be proud!! That brother is probably watching his cat coughing up hairballs as we speak. Lol! Every woman wants their kids to have a fighting chance in this cold, cruel world we live in. No one wants a retarded stripper child whose favourite pastime is singing ‘Mary Had a Little Lamb’ in church and at funerals. You see how things can go wrong, neh? No books...No Biscuit!

Read, homey!

HAVE AMBITION – There’s nothing that makes a woman want to jump you, more than ambition. Having a plan (short term or long-term) is where it’s at! No woman wants to be stuck with deadwood, especially if she knows she will be making plenty paper in the future. Also, women want to know you’re capable of providing for her babies (who will probably have your big a**head). There’s nothing particularly glamorous about starving to death...unless of course the woman you have your sights on is Kate Moss...(who you’re not dating and never will, because you’re living in abject poverty by Kate’s standards.) Tltltltl! Lesson... You don’t have to be rich. Just have goals and show her you are working hard at achieving every one of them! Who knows? Maybe she’ll even help you achieve a couple, if you’re a good boy *wink*

...You’re welcome!! J

*The End*