It’s officially holiday season! You know what that means, right? Cocktails, hot foreign boys (or girls if you’re into that sort of thing lol!) parties, family outings, reconnecting with old friends....Etcetera, etcetera! After surviving 20something, Sexysomething Dezembers, I feel I know enough to school you on how to act. Please excuse me if this ish is short. I’m officially on ‘holiday-mode’ (Read – I’m hung-over and will only be okay on the 3rd of January) Lmao!
Burn your Speedos – Waving your package in our faces while we try to build sand castles with our children is not our idea of a fun day at the beach. Please rather wear shorts and then you can run around freely all day and do whatever it is that men who wear Speedos do.
Don’t tell girls you want to “foreplay them” – It doesn’t matter who you are or what you do. You are not getting laid if you tell a chick you want to foreplay her and feel her body heat. Nobody says that. Ask the hot guy who had the audacity to say this to me in Durban last week. Mnxm! What a waste! And the way I had plans for that guy... *SMH*
Invest in a cover-up – There’s nothing as embarrassing as having Green Peace volunteers throw you back into the ocean after mistaking you for a beached whale. Decency goes a very long way. This goes for string/thong bikinis. Nobody wants to see your situation.
Leave the 2 litre container at home – Blacks. We know you’ve waited all year to head to Durban after the year from hell you’ve had. However, those two litre containers need to stay at home. Don’t act like you don’t know what I’m talking about.
Strap it up – We know a lot of people use the holidays as an excuse to act like hookers turning tricks at the corner. Whatever it is that you do, make sure you make safety a priority. We don’t want you coming back from the holidays with a new strain of gornohhea that scientists have no cure for. Wrap it up!
Don’t drink and drive - No jokes! Can we please see in the New Year with our cousins, uncles, brothers, mothers and granddads, if it’s not too much to ask?
Don’t drink and strip – *Sigh* The things I’ve seen! Please spare yourself the embarrassment of having the entire world laugh at you once your little stripper episode hits the net (which it will). We live in a very scary Digi-age where careers have been snuffed out by YouTube and Facebook. Keep your clothes on (in public) tltltl
Don’t drink and throw (Lahla) lol! – You don’t want to wake up next to a total stranger, with absolutely no recollection of the previous night’s happenings. Drink responsibly!
Don’t swim – If you’re a good swimmer and have no issues with water, then power to the people! However, if you can’t, then grab a book and sit your a** down, shem. Please do not spoil our holidays expecting us to save your drowning a** at the beach or at the hotel pool. We don’t have the time. We’ll be too busy flirting with hot, foreign guys who say “Zee” instead of “The”.
Don’t bone your boss – If you happen to bump into your boss at a resort or party this festive, please, please, please don’t hop on! Him looking like Tyrese or Idris Elba is no excuse...Oh what the hell. If he looks anything like Tyrese...girl....lol! Just kidding! Just talk to God in a corner and ask for strength, then walk away!! Run if you have to! ‘Caster-mode’ boo! RUN!!
It looks like I won’t be updating the blog as much during the holidays. I’ll try to though so keep checking in. Thank you so much for all the support! The stats are incredible!! Over 1000 page-views for less than 10 posts!! You guys are awesome!!!
Peace and Love,
SereNgeti
